Christmas special: Taking a break

For me, the most important thing about therapy is that the therapist is there: every week, at a particular time, the therapist has said they'll be there and they show up. This simple but powerful gesture can be a revelation for clients who have never or rarely had someone in their life who is reliable, dependable and trustworthy. This simple act of being there for the client has healing power.

But, of course, therapists are human and need breaks. For the therapist, this is a part of self-care. Ideally, the therapist let's the client know well in advance that they will be away. Changing things around at short notice can be unsettling, even damaging: the unspoken message from the therapist is that something is more important than their commitment to the client.

But, again, life happens. Aside from planned breaks, the therapist might get sick and need to cancel at short notice. This can't always be avoided, but it can be worked with in the room: the client can talk about how they feel when the therapist is away. Perhaps, despite the therapist's best intentions, the client feels let down - this is likely because the therapist's absence can unwittingly trigger in the client feelings of abandonment or feeling dismissed. Again, this is material that can be thought about and processed in the room.

Sometimes, having breaks can be beneficial for both therapist and client. A little time apart gives the client chance to ‘try life' without the therapist. After all, ultimately, the aim of therapy is for the client to acquire new ways of thinking, feeling and doing life - in a way, to become their own therapist.

Sometimes the therapist feels guilty about taking a break, planned or otherwise. Here, we might consider two types of guilt. If the therapist is going against ethical principles - such as regularly cancelling at short notice, moving slots around to suit themselves, and so on - then, in a way, this therapist is guilty of breaking their own ethical and professional code.

However, if the therapist is generally reliable and ethical but still feels guilty about taking a planned break or taking sick leave, then this seems more like a ‘feeling' of guilt, rather than a sign that the therapist has done something remiss. So, what might this be about? It seems that taking a break has triggered the therapist's own personal material. Perhaps this therapist feels over-responsible for the client; or perhaps they fear the client will be angry or upset with them if they don't turn up - this therapist could be a ‘fixer' or a ‘people pleaser', and this type of behaviour is likely to have its roots in their own childhood or foundational experiences (perhaps they had to take care of or manage people in their family or perhaps they had to please people to feel valued, etc.).

These are just a few thoughts on this theme. Of course, every client, every therapist and every client-therapist relationship is unique, so it's impossible to offer a one-size-fits-all explanation. Also, sometimes therapy gets messy - because both client and therapist are human. When therapy gets messy, talk about it! This can be very helpful because expressing thoughts and feelings and working through messiness is exactly what therapy is for.

By Mike Brooks, Psychotherapist & Supervisor